I wanted to quote you with a highlight in my response, but it’s hard to pick the right one.
Your poem gave me a really unsettling atmosphere, dystopian.
It reminded me strongly of a song I love (one of my favorites)
So Cold by Breaking Benjamin:
Crowded streets are cleared away one by one
Hollow heroes separate
As they run
You’re so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder, while strong men die
Show me how it ends, it’s alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
Well, that’s alright, let’s give this another try
Their metaphorical lyrics are the main reason I love this band so much. And your poem was giving me the same impression. I loved it just as much. It makes you think about a world slowly crumbling. About the problems around us. About the ignorance of the people. And we hear the broken drums carrying on in the distance, while children disappear and old people die.
It was really good.